Anticipation
As I write this, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and I am filled with anticipation as to what it holds for me and how my contributions will be met.
Ok, “filled with anticipation” is more than a little over the top considering we have been married just over 34 years. That reminds me. Our 35th anniversary is just a month away. Hmmm, more anticipation. I’ve learned a lot about anticipation and its results.
Since the holidays are such a recent memory, I am reminding myself of how I anticipated different events and how that all worked out. Anticipation is a motivating and emotional force in every day life. Regardless of the object of your anticipation, a key to the experience is your attitude. Here are a few. Perhaps you will recognize yourself.
The Optimist: “I can hardly wait. This could be the best Valentine’s Day ever!”
An optimist approaches most things with a positive spirit and attitude. She remembers that fantastic, truly over the top Valentine’s Day in 1989. Yup, this could be another one of those delights. And if it isn’t? The optimist cannot rest until she has ferreted out one glowing moment of the event to treasure.
The Horribilist: “This has disaster written all over it.” She conjures up all the ways things could go wrong from her partner clearly forgetting the day entirely, gifting her with something like chocolates and she’s dieting (she’s always dieting), or her partner dismissing the gift she spent uncountable hours planning and executing. Yeah, there’s that word “execute.” She mulls that a bit. Big surprise: no matter how her partner behaves, she finds fault.
The Fence Sitter: “This could go either way. In the past he’s come up with some of the best surprises ever and then there were a couple years when he flunked completely. I’ll wait and see.” This approach steals the full joy of great gestures but inoculates her against the pain of the failures.
As for me? This year I am taking joy in preparing a great Valentine’s Day dinner. Hmm. Maybe I’ll start the day with some kind of surprise breakfast. So far, I am committed to making lava cakes for dessert. That’s the highlight, especially since it comes at the end. And, yes, half the fun for me is planning the dinner. I can count on him enjoying it. Years ago Dave went to a Men’s Retreat and they were all taught to say after a meal “that was really tasty.” Even though I know where those words came from, the fact that he forced himself to memorize them and now repeats them regularly is Valentine enough on most days. I know they were taught these words because that’s not how Dave talks—not his lingo.
And isn’t that the other half of anticipation? The experience of the event itself?
So here’s the other half. How do you respond to the various outcomes possible?
The Optimist will always find something to treasure about it. If that’s nearly impossible, she will set about trying to understand what has happened to change the pattern. By the way, “he doesn’t love me anymore” is never considered. There’s got to be a good explanation as to why he’s in this slump.
The Horribilist? Yeah, he doesn’t love you anymore. Right? That’s obvious. To her I say, get over yourself. Lacking any other evidence, this is most likely as wrong an explanation as can be. Check the other evidence.
The Fence Sitter adopts a “wait and see” attitude. She’s waiting for more evidence. She doesn’t leap to a sorrowful or angry attitude right away but is on the alert.
I look forward to hearing from you about other approaches to anticipation. In the meanwhile, I’ll be over here planning the meal and making a card filled with all kinds of good, loving thoughts. This is no card to win a prize, mind you. It’s just our little thing that we enjoy, not something show off on Facebook and make others jealous.