How Introverts Have Conversations
A few months ago, my husband gave me a big complement. He said that I can talk to anybody about anything. He has since amended this to say “unless the conversation involves math, electronics or computers.” I can remember back when computers were a novelty and people would ask me what kind of computer I had. My answer was “grey.”
I had to think about that complement for more than a minute. You see, an introvert lives inside of me. My son claims that train has left the station, but introversion is something I have to overcome and fight often.
When I became a Realtor, I realized that this part of my nature was counterproductive to this new profession. I had to learn to engage people in conversation when they came into the office looking to either buy or sell a house. People rarely just tell you their truth right up front. First, they need to feel they can trust you. Then they have to relax. Then, maybe, they will start to give you clues. Frankly, a lot of the time they didn’t have real clarity about what it was they wanted. It takes a lot of skill to create the circumstances in which they finally let you know what’s going on with them.
One of the ways I practiced learning to talk to strangers was in the Produce Department at Safeway. I’d go up to someone standing in front of the avocadoes, for instance, and ask how they selected them. Was it by how soft they were? Any other clues?
My favorites were the people looking confused at the pineapples. Many of them had no clue how to choose one and I actually know a little about that. And here’s the bonus tip for you: it’s the smell. You have to give them the sniff test. If a pineapple doesn’t smell deliciously sweet, it doesn’t justify a ride in your shopping cart.
During the pandemic, Dave saw me talking to a man in the Produce Department and asked if I knew him. “No,” I said, “he was standing still.” That’s a whole different category of conversation. Having been starved for chats due to the pandemic, I took advantage of the fact that he was apparently available for a conversation.
The point is, I overcame my natural introversion tendencies for a very practical reason: I wanted to succeed as a Realtor and that meant not just talking to people but having a meaningful conversation with them.
And, yes, there is a bigger point to this meander into conversations. Last Friday night Dave and I were at the Jaime O’Neill concert at Field Arts & Events Hall. Truthfully, the real reason I wanted to go was that Jaime had invited the amazing Amanda Bacon to open the concert for her.
For those readers unfamiliar with Amanda, she’s a local lady who is the singer with a local band, Black Diamond Junction, and has performed all over the Olympic Peninsula to rave reviews. She can belt a song like nobody. I’m a big fan. As enjoyable as an evening at Field Hall always is, getting to hear Amanda again makes it even better.
We were delighted to be invited to a Meet & Greet with the Artists prior to the concert. For some reason, either very few people were invited or attendance was just low. No waiting in line to chat with either Amanda or Jaime.
Fist I talked with Amanda. We know each other due to these concerts. The usual “you look lovely tonight” kind of banter. Then Amanda pointed out another lady and said that was her mother. I hadn’t previously had the chance to meet her, so I buzzed right over to gush about how terrific Amanda is, mother to mother. Get used to it, Mom. Your daughter has fans.
Then I noticed that the last person getting Jaime to sign a poster of her (nice stack of them at the table) was walking away, so I went up to say hi. I declined a poster as graciously as I could saying that we are trying to downsize. She seemed to accept that.
Of course, we fairly quickly got on the topic of Field Hall itself. In case you don’t know, it’s a brand new state of the art performing arts center. The Grand Opening was in July of last year. It’s a two-story facility with convention room space and it’s located right on the Port Angeles waterfront, so it also has incredible views.
But since this is a very small town at the end of an even longer road, people are often surprised at this grand facility. Especially the performers. One recently commented that the next night he was performing in a gym in Canada so this seemed especially grand.
Talking with Jaime, I launched into my own version of how this came to be. Not just the “Donna Morris had a dream (and gave a large front end loader of money) and we are making the dream come true” version. All that is factual if a bit romantic.
No, I talked about the music culture here on the peninsula. (Try a topic the listener would most likely find interesting.) There are gifted musicians who live here and give private music lessons to kids and make our local symphony orchestra incredible. Our public schools have a music program second to none. In fact, strings are taught even in the middle school and the high school orchestra goes to Carnegie Hall to perform once every four years. Yes! That Carnegie Hall. The one in New York City.
Maybe you can guess from that short recitation that I can talk at length and with passion about all of this. I didn’t want to bore Jaime so I gave her the very short version, excused myself so a new person in line could get assigned poster.
Fast forward to the concert. I’ll skip over Amanda’s six songs performed flawlessly and to great applause. Jaime has had some hits and many in the audience were very familiar with them and loved singing along. She also has a style of talking to the audience between songs. We heard about her husband and guitarist as well as a number of other topics.
Then she launched into comments about Field Hall as several previous performers have done. And she said (to the best of my memory) that she had heard a sweet story about how all this started and “Pili told me….” Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she mentioned my name from the stage between songs.
I claim that miniscule bit of fame. I have triumphed over introversion! Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
(It’s ok. I know most of you are guessing that most of the audience didn’t understand what she said when Jaime said the unfamiliar name of Pili. No one is asking for my autograph. All the same, the introvert within is having a party.)