My husband and I like to take two walks a day, one in the morning and the other in the afternoon. Most weeks we have only two days that get just one walk, usually due to weather. We do this because we could easily have a totally sedentary life, and we know that’s really unhealthy.
Our neighborhood is laid out so that we can make what we call the Loop. Walk south for one very long block, make a left turn and go east to the next through street which is several blocks away, turn north at that corner and finally (yes, you guessed it) turn west and head home. The streets dip and rise here and there which makes it interesting.
Before we make that first left turn to the east, we often go into the parking lot of the church which is in the southeast part of the intersection. We walk to the south end of the parking lot before turning west into the subdivision that is under construction.
For a few years there was only one house that was built in the subdivision and subsequently occupied. In 2021 another was built at the far south part of the subdivision. One day as we were walking, we asked one of the workers why it had taken so long for this next house to be built. The answer was hilarious. The worker said the owner, who lives in Seattle, forgot he owned this property. That gave us lots to talk about.
In 2022 the work ramped way up. There are now 12 homes and a duplex that are finished and occupied with several more and a fourplex under construction. There remain twice as many lots where construction has not been started. The effect is that there are homes in varying stages of completion all over the place, in no particular order. This is no cookie cutter approach to design. There are several different designs to choose from.
The crew appears to change from time to time, and we’ve gotten on a greeting level with several of them. In fact, one day Dave was in the courthouse walking down the hall. A man was walking toward him and greeted him with “Hey, you’re the walker.” Dave responded with “And you’re the dirt guy.” He operates big machinery digs big holes then moves the resulting dirt away from that job site. I’m sure there’s a more technical way to say that, but you get the drift.
Dave is very interested in the construction activity and the house designs. It’s not uncommon for him to mutter “I wonder why they are building the roof that way” or “I think they should put the concrete in the driveway for both of the duplex units at the same time.” “Why don’t they have a window on that side of the house?”
I bought him a t-shirt and had the store print “Sidewalk Superintendent” on it. He didn’t quite get it at first and doesn’t wear it often.
All the same, the pay off from the shirt for me is that I suddenly became aware of the fact that the inclination to ruminate on how people ought to behave, how they should handle any given situation, or what they wear is not restricted to sidewalks near construction zones. Don’t even have to be sidewalks. No, sir!
Sporting events are rich with opportunities for declaring what one thinks should be happening on the field or court. The air is peppered with lines like “What was he thinking?” or, as the play is underway “Throw the ball—you’re gonna get…..See? What did I tell you?” And this one is issued as a plaintive cry at full volume and very staccato “no…no…no… no…no…no!”
The nightly news is another great opportunity. My favorite of late is “Just shoot it down already!”
To be fair, and you know I’m always fair, I have my own advice I freely issue. “Why on earth would anyone wear that blouse with that skirt???” for instance.
I don’t know what makes us think we know better, have better taste, or great advice. I do think it’s quite wise to just have this going on inside our heads rather than stating it out loud. Sure, in the privacy of our own living room, it’s ok to go live. Just don’t say out loud what’s running through your head.
Remember, the person who is inspiring your inner Sidewalk Superintendent probably has one of her own. Who knows what critical thought is in her head. How would you feel if she suddenly said to you something like “Wow! Didn’t have time to comb your hair before you left home?” or “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard you say in a long time.”
My first reaction would be embarrassment. Then I might feel awful, question my choices about my wardrobe or grooming or intelligence. Or I might be inclined to stoop to her level and say “You must be lost. The meeting of the Mean Girls Club is next door.” Nah, I wouldn’t do that.
But here’s the point: people who are experts in Emotional Intelligence encourage us not to take seriously the critical remarks people make about us. We aren’t going to please everyone all the time, so take a breath. Just let it go. Don’t spend the rest of the day repeating that remark in your head. Waste of time, energy and serenity.
As I pondered the wisdom of the advice from the Emotional Intelligence gurus, I was struck by the thought that our own Sidewalk Superintendent could be jeopardizing our own peace. Sure, it’s ok to wonder why a building is being built in a certain manner or design. But just as we shouldn’t take the crack comment from someone else to heart, maybe we should stop making those comments in our heads. Maybe those critical remarks (even though they are made about someone else) are jeopardizing our own good will and emotional intelligence.
The next time I am about to make one of those nasty comments, even if just in my head, I am going to make an effort to remember it’s just as important to be kind to myself as it is to others and just let it go.
The Sidewalk Superintendent
Isn't it nice to know that we still have freedom of speech?