Time to Talk Story
The last week of the year is quickly drawing to a close. And with that an activity that has been very special to me is also approaching completion. This is the week for reviewing the goals I’d set for this current year as well as creating new goals or embellishing existing goals for the new year.
In the past, when I was a Realtor, this activity involved calendars and excel spreadsheets and a calculator. At the end of the week, I would have quantified success or failure for the current year and feelings of both accomplishment and failure. In fact, no matter how well I had done, there was always something left undone or poorly done or grudgingly done—you get the idea. That often led to doubt as to whether I could actually meet the goals I had set out for the new year.
Well, I’m here to tell you, no longer. No ma’am. No recriminations and no doubts.
The excel sheets are useful to remind me what I said I wanted to do, and, sadly, I have to be reminded from time to time. I use them. But they become the backdrop for the story I tell about these years.
See, I’m from Hawaii—yea, I know you know that and I don’t have to say it so often. But one treasured and time-honored activity in Hawaii is called “Talk Story.” That’s where you sit around with friends and you all share what’s been happening in your life or discuss current events or whatever you want to talk about. So not too long ago I decided to turn these sessions of self-examination into stories about my life and how I’m living it. Mostly, I just tell these stories to myself however.
Instead of beating myself up about goals that were not fully met, I pondered why that was. Could it be that I really didn’t care about that goal? If so, why not. Why is it that I stubbornly refused to develop a plan of action to lose the weight that sat there year after year on my goal chart? (Do you like that? Like the weight was just on the chart and not on my body? I digress.)
Telling a different story about that now. I can’t exactly pinpoint the reasons I decided to take action, but I saw my son had lost weight and looked nice and slim. He used the NOOM program, so I thought to look into it. Seventeen pounds later, I’m glad I did.
NOOM’s story is that it gave me a way to log my activities in a non punitive manner. I found myself holding back from eating that (fill in the blank) because I was going to have to write it down on the meal log later. That worked as a sufficient barrier to messing with my NOOM eating plan.
What’s my prize when I get to that magic number? Because I like having a prize when I win. Drum roll, please. I will shop for clothes that fit the new me. So part of the story is planning the shopping trip that awaits me.
A few years ago, before I retired from real estate, one of my goals was to write a book. I got as far as drafting a chart on the main points I wanted to make. About eight months into that year, I came across that chart and was instantly devastated by my lack of pursuing that goal. I’d done nothing besides drafting a chart.
I was overwhelmed with guilt. I wallowed in it for days. As I thought about the why of this inaction, it dawned on me that I was extremely busy in my real estate career because the market was particularly good at that time. I mean, really good. Thus, this was a season for applying myself to the real estate business. Which I did very successfully. So sometimes, the timing is off. That doesn’t mean it’s the wrong goal or that I’m a failure —it’s just the wrong timing.
And that chapter in the story has nothing to do with failure but with awakening awareness.
Every so often I find that I’ve left a goal on the shelf for no good reason at all. I may glance at it every so often. Even pick it up and look at it closely. Dust it off maybe. But I do that out of obligation not because of passion to achieve it.
Those are phony goals. Ok, maybe that’s too strong. The goal sounded good, but it doesn’t really get me where i want to be. Maybe it points at where I think i should be, but, as time goes by, realize that’s just silly. I want to refine and improve the course I am on instead of abandoning it for a new one.
Frankly, when I realize that fact about a goal, I call it a triumph. I will no longer bother myself about something that’s not going to happen anyway. Energy redirects to the main course. Great chapter in the story.
In the last several days I’ve overheard many people saying that 2023 was an awful year. I’m sorry for them. For me, the last six months have been so fantastic I hardly remember the beginning of the year. The most wonderful (feel free to add superlative adjectives of your own) reason we have enjoyed this time is because of how much time we have had with our family. From July when one son came out to celebrate the opening of Field Hall with us through to September when several family members came because Dave’s gospel group PMGS was going to perform at Field Hall to a special visit with our granddaughter, her husband and, oh yes, our great grandson.
Then just before Christmas several of the grands visited, one for an entire week. The best Christmas present ever. And we had an outrageously fantastic time together. My heart is so full.
Yes, several of my goals have to do with the relationships with my family and how to enhance them. One of the prime indicators of how well this went is that we are planning a big reunion to take place in the summer.
So my family goals for this coming year include making those reunion plans, being in close touch with all of them, and praying for them daily. I can’t help but smile as I type this. That’s the story I’m working on—the planning and the preparation and then the participation in our times together.
And, yes, I did just skip past Field Hall. What an adventure that has been. First, there’s the involvement in the realization of a dream—the building of a state of the art Performing Arts Center right here in Port Angeles. The concerts we have experienced since the July opening have been varied, from local musicians to the Vienna Boys Choir and the Brubeck Brothers. Field Hall for all.
Along with all that, there has developed a deeply satisfying fellowship among the Board Members as we move from conundrum to celebration over and over. While we don’t always arrive at the same opinion, the camaraderie is beyond compare. This extends to the staff, as well, although I only interact with the staff members who work in areas that I do.
And this part of the story would be incomplete without a nod to the local population. There were some who were supportive of Field Hall from the beginning. They maybe had students who were in the school orchestra or band, or maybe they were years ago. There were some who just loved theatre and didn’t love the drive to Seattle.
But there was a small, if vocal, group who thought building this concert hall was a terrible idea. The money should go to some worthy cause, like homes for the homeless for instance. On Opening Day weekend, I watched them walking around outside before the tours started. I couldn’t help but think of my mother’s warning that my face might freeze when I was pouting or angry as I saw some of them. Cranky and negative. They were not believers in the dream.
As I was walking through the building among folks on tour a bit later, I noticed that some of those same people were tentatively allowing something that looked like the makings of a smile to grace their faces. When they saw what the interior of the building looked like as well as the views it afforded of our beautiful area, they were proud.
And that’s where that chapter ends, with a smile. Not the book, mind you. There’s so much more story to be told about Field Hall and the adventures we’ve had and will have there.
Dave and I have some health challenges and our doctors have scheduled appointments for January. I’m sure some goals will come out of the information they get from their tests. I plan to be a good patient and obey instructions. That should give me reason to celebrate down the road. This is what’s called in the literary world “foreshadowing” …hinting at things to come. This part of the story is far from over.
Of course, there are other goals for 2024, some dragging along from this year. There’s the matter of decluttering. A successful declutter activity can make me swell with pride far beyond anything rational—but that’s just me.
And the writing goal which you, dear readers, have participated in by being readers. I cherish you and the comments you make. I have been on hiatus for a month (fancy way of saying I was too busy to think through enough of a topic to commit it to a blog), but this goal is close to the top of the list for 2024.
May we all learn lessons from last year about what worked and what didn’t. May we spend some thinking time about which goals to toss, which to put in the “maybe later” bin, and which get written in ink on parchment. Or typed on your computer, your choice.
May you have no regrets this time next year, but many warm memories in the story you tell of 2024. As for me, I am thankful for 2023’s story and energized for what lies ahead.